Finally Content

I've joined a writing initiative called the #Trust30, where I spend 30 days writing to a prompt to help guide my creativity and self-trust. Here is the prompt for today.

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.

2. Write the story that has to be written.

I'm sitting here listening to music on my computer. And for the first time in a really long time, I'm content.

For starters, the playlist currently playing on my iTunes is called "Super Indie Music". Nothing says hipster-writing-in-a-coffee-shop like that. Only I'm not hipster and I'm not in a coffee shop. But I am writing. So, there is that.

I think there is a strong difference between being happy and being content. And somehow, I've come to realize, maybe it's better for me to be content than it is to be happy. Happy in my mind is a strong emotion. It can depend on certain things going well or wrong, meeting or being with certain people, or even the weather being a particular way.

Content is different. Content is about accepting everything as the way it is, and knowing that it's alright. It's more than just being happy, it's being understanding and happy for not just yourself, but everything that happens around you. No matter what the weather is like or who you are with, you can be content. With the way things are, with the way things will be.

I recently had a trip up to school (in Pittsburgh) this past weekend. And it made me realize a few things. One is that people and relationships can change so much in such a little time. This past semester I changed a lot, and I think it was for the good. I really learned what it meant to be independent. I learned how not to rely on friends and family for every little thing that needed to be done.

I sat on this hill for a few hours this weekend and first came to my realization of contentedness.

Most importantly, and maybe a bit regrettably, I also learned what it's like to end relationships. I don't mean romantically, but in general. How do you weed people out of your life that you realize are slowly poisoning it? How do you elevate someone to a pedestal so high, only to realize they were floating on a balloon that has rapidly deflated? It's painful and tough, but it's part of growing up I suppose: really learning what people are like, and who you want to be around forever.

Speaking of forever, I've learned that some relationships will always last. Whether it's been one day or one month since you've talked to those people, they will always be around, and they will always support you. I consider myself lucky to have friends like this. People that I can turn to when I need to, and people who will always find comfort with me when they need it.

The best lesson I've had is that relationships truly are two-way streets. You can give and give and give and lie to yourself and say "It's okay to give. I like to give. I give and expect nothing back." But to expect nothing back, really NOTHING, is to cheat yourself of a relationship. You cannot give and not receive. And as much as you like to deceive yourself, you never truly give things away for free. Nothing in life is free. Nothing can be given without something being received. And I'm not saying that if I give a gift I want a gift back. What I mean is that you must receive with gratitude and appreciation. And in whatever way you show your appreciation, it is always essential to show it.

I've fallen in love. And I finally realize that the person I've fallen in love with is me. I understand myself, more than ever. I finally understand my emotions, where they come from, and how to properly express them. I've learned how to maintain relationships I need to, and end the ones that can't exist, and how to form ones that I want to last forever. And while it has taken months and years, I can finally, proudly say one thing that has been on my mind.

I am content with myself.

My memory is not my friend!

First off, let me start off by saying CONGRATULATIONS to my big sister who graduated with distinction from the University of Virginia yesterday with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Aerospace Engineering and two minors in Mechanical Engineering and Latin!

UVA was actually REALLY nice for her graduation, luckily. It was gorgeous weather all around.

The 2011 UVA School of Engineering graduates!

The grounds and buildings of UVA are immaculate. This is the iconic Rotunda.

However, because I was down in Charlottesville for her graduation and dinner, I didn't get home to NoVa (where my family lives) until late last night (around 10:30pm). Please note that the previous week went something like this: Monday-Friday I woke up at 6:30 am for work. Saturday and Sunday I woke up at 5:30 am to go to Charlottesville.

TODAY I woke up at 4:30 am to drive back to Baltimore! I am so lucky! I remembered to pack everything I would need for the next two weeks and off I went, slightly earlier than planned, at 5:20 in the morning. Unfortunately, 10 minutes and a few miles down the road I realized I left my CELL PHONE charging at my house. So I turned around and came back for it. Said goodbye to my mom a second time, and actually made it all the way to work. Two hours later.

Fast forward to the afternoon. I have a medical appointment on campus where I'm required to get my eyes examined. I triumphantly reach into my purse to put my glasses on...and realize I left my contacts case at home. Fan-freaking-tastic. The doctor requires that I take my contacts out. Unfortunately, all she has is SALINE solution. So that's what I had to dunk my contacts into: a refined ocean.

Let me point something out: Do you open your eyes underwater at the beach? Does it feel good? Would it feel good to put your contacts, which go back in your eyes, into the same thing?

THEN, halfway through the procedure (mind you, this was all paperwork, the examination hadn't happened yet), I found out I was late for a once-a-week-only training. So I ran across campus holding my contacts to make it to training. If that wasn't bad enough, the cup my contacts were in was a giant "URINE SPECIMEN" cup. Because that's all the doctor had. Really, I was just hoping I wouldn't see someone and have to explain why I was running around campus with a cup of pee. Oy.

I get to training and I'm too late to join. The trainer asks me to wait outside until the next round. I sit in a corner and put my contacts back in and promptly throw the cup away.

And then the pain hits. A burning agony. You think salt in an open wound in bad? Try salt in your EYES. My vision was constantly blurred from the firey pain of a thousand dissolved salt crystals gleefully digging into my poor irises. All I could do was sit there, "sobbing" silently as my eyes water, sniffling pathetically as my sympathetic nose began to run.

Oh and the secretary was out there with me, and became convinced that the trainer made me cry.

Eventually, I explained everything to the trainer about why I was crying, but the secretary never heard. So she had called the receptionist in my building to check in on me after my training and see what upset me. So she did, which was awfully nice, even if it was all a big misunderstanding.

The best part of all of this was that I ended up not needing the training at all because my old training from last year still counted. So in conclusion:

A1- I took my contacts out in saline, only to shove them back in my eyes, for no reason and,

B2- I skipped half my medical exam to run to training, only to have no training!

Oh. And I forgot my toothbrush.

--R.

Where HAS the time gone?!

First of all, I am somewhat ashamed at how long it has taken me to update on this blog. If there is one thing I (and all humans, I think,) love, it is talking about oneself. HOW did I not manage to talk about myself for months?! MONTHS?!*

Whatever, clearly that is going to be fixed this summer. What am I doing this summer, you ask?

Actually, that's a pretty good question, because I'm still not quite sure myself. I mean, I do have a job. I'm working at a great Engineering Company in Baltimore for the summer. Unfortunately, I can't really finish (or rather, start!) my training until next week, because the guy who runs the "classes" is out of town. So...I'm spending a week at my cubicle, with essentially nothing to do. I attempt to learn a thing or two through some articles I find, but I mostly just read the news or a book until someone asks me to do something. Bah.

I haven't even gotten a chance to visit the lab that I worked in (and will be working in again) yet, because technically I don't have the medical clearance (or the safety clearance) to go into the room yet. So none of my old coworkers even know I'm back! SUPER frustrating!

Almost as frustrating as the fact that I'm sitting on the floor typing this.** I'm living in a great one-bedroom apartment for the summer, but my furniture won't get here until tomorrow. So, until then, I've been living in the living room on a single sponge mattress. Observe:

That's my bed. Slash Couch. Slash...whatever. And it's in my living room. (Slash bedroom.)***

In reference to my post title, however, I am mostly amazed by the fact that it is already mid-May of 2011! Okay, first off, where the HECK did my "spring" semester of college go?! One second, I was starting the semester off, the next I was taking finals. I mean, WHAT? I feel like I blinked, and school was over.****

I can only imagine summer is gonna be the same way. Already I've been out of school for 3 (WHAT!) weeks and I can't believe it! In another week and a half, I'll be going back up to Pitt to spend Memorial Day Weekend there, for which I am VERY excited! It will be nice to see a lot of my friends again after weeks of being away.

The scariest part of all of this is how next year is my last year of college. As much as I joke and say I don't want to continue school (and go on to get a Masters right away), I'm still very nervous about the idea of no more school...possibly ever. I mean, how do people normally deal with this? I've gone to school since I was 2, and 20 years later, my entire LIFE later, I'm expected to just...not?

GAH! Clearly I still have a lot of growing up to do. Or maybe it's more "facing reality". Either way, I play to thoroughly enjoy every bit of the next year, because this time next year, I'll be done for good.

--R.

*MONTHS???!!!!???!!!! Okay, I got it out of my system.

**Practically.

***But tomorrow when I get home from work I will have grown up furniture! YAY!

****This paragraph actually made me kind of sad. I've come to realize how much I love school and the people there. And also, I've realized the strong possibility that I won't be living there after I graduate. It's quite sad.

Beautiful Weather and Beautiful Things!

Oh my goodness! So much seems to have happened in the month since my last post (and wasn't one of my new year's resolutions to post more often? Whoops!)

One of the great things that has happened is that the weather is FINALLY starting to warm up here in Pittsburgh! Last week we had an amazing 2-day stretch of 60+ degrees! Here's a picture of what it looked like on my walk to class on Friday morning*:

I was able to not wear my heavy coat for 2 days, which was a wonderful feeling. Unfortunately, the weather has taken a dip again, but I'm hoping that by the time I return from spring break that it'll be permanently warmer. I'm sick of all these layers!

However, these next two weeks are going to be a sort of personal hell for me (minus a few things). To break it down:

This week I have a presentation, an exam, and a lab report due.
Next week I have a lab report due, a paper due, and another exam**.

The nice thing is the weekend: I AM SEEING LADY GAGA THIS SATURDAY OH MY GOD WHAT IS MY LIFE?!

I still haven't picked out an outfit for the concert, I'm going to be so busy this week that I might just throw some stuff together Saturday and call it a day (I'm thinking skinny pants, crazy heels, amazing eye makeup, and a studded bow headband, no idea about the shirt).

In other news, some nice things have been going on in my personal life for the past few weeks. I hope they continue in this direction because I've been quite happy lately, and it's such a nice feeling :)

Beyond that, I've got to keep my foot on the pedal and charge through these next two weeks. Paris is going to be such a wonderful distraction over Spring Break, and I believe it may be the first time in a while where it's actually be a real "break" from the stress that school gives me. This semester has been my hardest yet, and I'm really looking forward to some time to relax and get away from it all!***

I will try to explain the magical-ness that is bound to be the Gaga Concert this weekend but in case I can't, then I will update next from the European Continent!

Ready for a change!

--R.

*In case you were wondering what this is, it's a photo of the Heinz Chapel and (in the background) The Cathedral of Learning on my school's campus. Both are very iconic buildings, and I pass them every day on my way to class.

**This exam is on the Friday that I'm supposed to be going home for spring break, so I'm not actually sure when I'm taking this test...
***And how better to run away then to flee the continent!

The Magic of the Internet

When people meet somewhere, it's a "meet up".

When people on Twitter meet somewhere, it's a "tweet up".

I just had a fantastic tweet up this weekend. I got to meet two good friends of mine, one of whom goes to school in Pittsburgh, and another who goes to school in Ohio. We went and got dinner at this incredibly good burger joint called BRGR while watching the last half of the really f-ing intense Steelers-Ravens game*.

Needless to say I was pretty into that place. But also because I got to have two awesome things:

Fried Pickles**

Thanksgiving Dinner Burger

Seriously! The only bad thing about the fried pickles is that they weren't sliced and then fried. They were halved (the long way) and fried...which was interesting. The "Thanksgiving" burger was amazing, however. It was also as big as my face, so at times it was a challenge to eat. Basically, I got a turkey burger, with a huge stuffing patty, pickled green beans, cranberry aioli, and gravy. Between two toasted sesame seed buns.
YUM!

I then got to go downtown to PPG Place and go ice skating! It was really pretty with the tree all decorated in the middle of the rink.

As if that wasn't fun enough, I then got to go up Mt. Washington and get a really pretty view of downtown Pittsburgh late at night***.

It was an incredibly enjoyable evening with my two friends (and my roommate was also there!), and a really nice way for us all to hang out while ensuring my friend from Ohio got to do some pretty fun/cool things while in Pittsburgh for the weekend****.

I always enjoy doing things like this when I'm at school: acting like a tourist all over again. One of my biggest wishes has always been to be able to study abroad in Europe/Australia but that isn't possible because of my degree. Instead, I'm trying to spend the rest of my time "studying abroad" here. Making sure to get out and appreciate all the little things you can do in Pittsburgh, checking out the museums, going on picnics in the park, that sort of thing.

Anyway, that's the update of my Saturday night this past weekend! Class starts again tomorrow (we got off for MLK Day today) so I'll be relatively busy for the rest of the week now (especially with band and a night class eating up 3 of my evenings!).

Until the next adventure!

--R.

*But the Steelers won 31-24 so the Ravens can SUCK IT

**Ever since I saw a Food Network special about fried pickles, I told myself that the first time I ever saw it on a menu, I would try it. Turns out it was my lucky night!
***I apologize if the picture looks blurry, it was taken on my phone.

****He's from Ohio, though. So that wasn't really hard to accomplish.

Why I hate Phoenix, Arizona

I know I promised an update on the Fourth Annual Quidditch World Cup that took place this past weekend in NYC, but I ended up getting exciting news on Tuesday of this week:

I was being flown out to California for an interview with a company that was considering hiring me for the summer!

So...naturally I got sidetracked. Between the two exams, homework assignment, and 12 page lab report, I didn't have time to write about Quidditch.

Oh and this entry? Being typed from my hotel room in CALIFORNIA! Yep! I'm already out here! The email I got Tuesday? It said I needed to be here (San Carlos/Menlo Park*) by today. So here I am!

Anyway, I had to be in California by 3pm PST. This meant that I had to leave Pittsburgh at ridiculous o'clock**. Shock #1 was getting to the airport and finding out that I forgot to book a checked bag with my flight***, so I had to pay $25 to put a tiny duffel inside of the big plane. WTF.

Then, I managed to get through security perfectly fine only to find out a guy from the company I was interviewing with was ON MY FREAKING FLIGHT (Shock #2). What in the HECK?!

Once I got on board, I found out I had a center seat, even though I asked for either window or aisle. No such luck. And I was between two very, very large men, who didn't understand the concept of shoulder room (Shock #3). I didn't sleep much on the flight.

I had unintelligently decided my pre-flight breakfast would be hash browns and a sweet tea from McDonald's. It hit me partway through the flight to Phoenix that I really had to go to the bathroom, but could not wake up overly-large-man to move and let me out. Oh well. I'd wait it out.

My original layover time was about 7 minutes. Enough to get me off the plane and near my next gate when the plane started boarding. My plane arrived in Phoenix almost an hour early. Huzzah! I think, now I have an hour layover!

Wrong. So very wrong.

It turns out another plan was in our arrival gate. And it sucked at leaving on time. We landed at 9:25am. We were supposed to get the gate by 9:55am. At 10:10am the other plane finally left our gate, but then a bunch of planes weren't moving because, for whatever reason, there was a freaking FREEZE of movement of planes at the gate (Shock #4). My boarding time for my connecting flight to California was 10:20am.

FINALLY at 10:20am our plane docks at the gate. At this point I make a mad rush out of the plane and start speed walking**** to my gate.

Oh and by the way. We arrived in gate A25, I needed to be at gate B26. Which was about a half-mile away. Eff.

So I'm speed walking to my gate, barreling past old ladies who move slow and stupid men on cell phones who move slower. I rush past the last bathroom on my way to the gate, at which point it's already 10:37am. My plane departs at 10:50am and it was on time.

I skip the bathroom and run up to my gate. Right when I get there, they announced that I needed to board.

Relief! Sweet sweet relief! Except not. That sweet tea was mocking me. "HEY RITA YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BECAUSE OF ME HA HA HA"

Curse you, sweet tea. You and your sadistic ways.

So, I'm stuck in a middle seat again (am I surprised? no.) and the second the seat belt sign comes undone I see like 4 people trying to get to the bathroom. NO WAY SUCKERS. I force the guy next to me to get up and run to the back, finally reaching a bathroom.

Once my bathroom and connecting flight ordeal were done, I only had one problem left. The nagging worry that, although my human body had sprinted a half-mile to my departure gate, my little duffel bag had gotten mixed up with other bags and NEVER LEFT PHOENIX.

This nagged and nagged at me. When we landed in San Jose, I ran down to baggage claim and anxiously waited and waited and waited for my little duffel to appear. Finally, after what seemed like every one else's bag had come up on the belt, my little bright-blue duffel appeared! HALLELUJAH!

From there, things seemed freaking FANTASTIC. My pre-reserved van didn't have any other passengers, so my driver took me straight to my hotel, having a great discussion about the show "Cash Cab", airport security, and why the news sucks. He also referred to me as "my friend" every minute or so. It was kind of awesome.

Since then, I checked into my hotel, had a relaxing time checking email and surfing the net*****, and got ready for my dinner.

Turns out there were about 15 people who had been flown out to California. At dinner, which was really REALLY delicious, I got a chance to talk to a bunch of them. We ranged in studies from juniors in undergrad to post-PhD students. Everyone was incredibly nice and intelligent, and we all had really funny stories to tell.

Now I have a full day tomorrow: tours of the engineering facilities, meals, and interviews.

But, even though things turned out okay, I will never, EVER, stop hating Phoenix, Arizona. Because while I may be able to one day forgive it for this airport fiasco, I will never EVER forgive it for spawning the character "Bella Swan".

Until I'm in Pittsburgh again!

--R.

*It's really close to Cupertino/Apple/Google and about 1 hour from San Francisco

**I woke up at 3:30am and was waiting for a bus at 4:15am. YUCK.

***Why the heck is this a requirement now? Paying for bags is dumb. This is why I love SouthWest.

****Really it was just gracefully slow running. Like when you give up on running the mile but still want to look like you're putting in effort? That.

*****Relaxing? Just kidding. The first thing I read was an email from my lab TA saying I had to add more discussion to the report I turned in, and it had to be done before I went to dinner. Fantastic!

Writing a novel?!

So, I kind of like to write.

I don't get to do it very often, mostly because I'm working on homework, in class, or distracted by the internet (and occasionally because I have a life*). But, this year I am more determined than ever to complete the great writing challenge known as:

National Novel Writing Month**
aka NaNoWriMo

I've attempted two times in the past (that I remember) and both times I gave up very early on. The idea is that you spend the entire month of November, and November only, writing a 50,000 word (at least) original story! Last year I got up to 8,000-ish words before I accidentally deleted almost all of it and gave up.

This year, I'm already at 11,500 words! And I'm almost caught up on meeting my normal daily word count of 1,667 words a day!***

Anyway, that was my plug for my ability to do NaNoWriMo. My point for writing this post, really, is to talk about motivation, and what it takes to get me to write****.

I come up with a lot of stories. A lot of them are pretty well developed in terms of plot and character, but many of them never escape my brain to be written down. My major problem is that I always get ahead of myself in my head. I imagine "Oh this is the beginning of the story and this is how it goes OH MY GOODNESS this scene I just imagined would be great but it doesn't come in until further in the story."

Essentially, I imagine a bunch of scenes from different points in the story that I think are brilliant, and then have to go back and write all the connecting parts so that I actually have something coherent. Those connecting parts are the hardest for me.

And so, I try to help myself write. Sometimes, I'll spend the day imagining the scenes I want to write. What exactly do I want to happen? And not just a general plot, but I'll actually envision the scene like I'm watching a movie, mostly on silent, but every now and then a phrase or part of conversation will pop into my head that I know I want to include.

It helps doing these "exercises" so to speak, for me, because it allows me to be creative in my head and then just take everything I've thought up, and transfer it to the document I'm writing on. Because there is nothing more daunting than a blank screen and the blinking cursor staring back at you while you try to write.

And, I guess that's what I want everyone to know. If you're having trouble writing, or transferring thoughts, or whatever, give yourself some time to think first. Imagine your story, watch it in your head, and then write down what you think would naturally happen. Don't try to force something out without the creative juices flowing! You can't make literary lemonade that way!*****

I better end it there, I've still got 3,000+ words to write tonight to catch up, plus Darren Criss is on Glee and I am not missing that for the world!

Off to writing-dom!

--R.

*I can't believe I had to use the adjective "occasionally"

**Website here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/

***Except I'm behind, because guess how much I wrote today! (Hint: 0)

****For instance, it took me three days to write this post

*****I should be banned from making analogies. I apologize for that one.